11
Aug
09

Moving

This blog is now moving to a more anonymous domain. Please feel free to leave your email if you would like me to inform you of the new blogsite. You might not get informed if I deem that you have stalker tendencies but you should leave your email just in case.

xx

Adorra

25
Feb
09

Happy 3rd Year Blogiversary

I have a lot of issues. Anyone who has ever known me can tell you that. I am selfish and annoying, and I have a million quirks that I expect everyone around me to understand instantly. I make people jump through hoops, and not chew gum in front of me. I hate the sound of people breathing or eating on the phone, and I get annoyed when I have to wait outside someones house for them to come down. I have a lot of issues. I really do, and I always thought that I was normal and that everyone else was wrong and weird and that they should all just mold themselves to me. I go through relationships like water. Boyfriends, girlfriends, even certain family members, I can let go easily. If you get on my bad side then you will most likely remain there, even if you redeem yourself. You will always be there, it will never be good for you.

I used to be nice, and friendly, and fun to hang out with. People at school here call me a stuck up bitch. I go in and out, I barely give people the time of day. I walk away from conversations that are stupid and I talk down to people when I feel that they need to be talked down to.

I know that I’m wrong. I know that I used to be better. I reread my old posts and I wonder where that bubbly happy person went and when this new person came. Where did all this resentment come from. I know that I have issues. I know it. I also know that I don’t talk about my issues to anyone. I keep it all in and then I use it as a weapon to analyze people. There are no words to explain anything anymore.

I know that I love some people and I hate others. I know that I don’t open up. I know that I am a bitch. I know that I am ugly on the inside (and on the outside too…sometimes). I know that only my really good friends can handle me and I know that even they are tempted to leave sometimes. My roommate calls me out on my shit sometimes. Other times she doesn’t. I’m not too worried about her, she loves me. She is one of the few.

The point of this post is to make me better. I want to be me again. I really do. It is just painfully hard to be nice to people I don’t like or talk to someone I don’t really know. What is the point?. I am leaving in 2 years, why invest? come to think of it, I never invested back home either. I have a problem with investing. I am going to try to post more often, I definitely read everyone’s blogs. I am using those google reader things, they are very handy especially during breaks on campus. I miss everyone, and I especially miss it when I knew the bloggers. I don’t know anyone anymore. They are all these new bloggers who talk about love, as if it is as easy as bumping into someone at a cafe twice in a row. I’m not going to lie, I read them, and I enjoy them. That doesn’t mean I don’t think they are a bunch of crap, and badly written might I add (except for a select few).

I feel like I need to keep writing, to get all the toxins out. They have been building up. Even my cat is exhausted, he rarely snuggles anymore. Another reason I want to keep writing is because I have an EU midterm tomorrow and I would rather procrastinate then admit to the fact that I barely studied because I am just angry. I have been angry all semester. I have been angry for a really long time.

Maybe it’s a lack of faith..in everything.

23
Feb
09

Back?

Hi

09
Dec
08

Java

I am going to be back in Kuwait in less than a week. All I can say is oh lordy please have mercy. In other news, I miss blogging and I miss venting and I have so much pent up tension that I could break the keyboard right now. By Friday I will be done by finals, I have moved to a new place so at least that is off of my mind. I have a wedding to attend to which gives me a few days to find a dress and when I’m in Kuwait, I have to worry about my cat here :(

But all in all, I have mixed feelings. If I love you (and you should know by now if I do or not) then give me a call when I’m back in Kuwait, take me out and make me feel good. Intoxicate me.

10
Oct
08

I’m so fucking over it that it’s not even funny anymore.

.
update: I was thinking about how much I miss him, and that maybe I should call him and wish him good luck with all his future endeavors, seeing as how I still love him and wish him well. Then I saw that he edited me out of his life, literally. Seeing as how I am pale and insignificant to him, I am now back to not giving a fuck.

21
Sep
08

bitchslap

HAHA no matter how many times I see this, it is still as amusing as it was the first time. I don’t know if it’s the language or the fall or the fight, oh gosh.

In other news, I’m writing an argumentative paper on how college admissions preferencing legacies is considered class discrimination. I basically have to use scholarly resources and whatnot but if any of my readers (if there are still any readers) would like to add their two cents on the issue, I would appreciate it since I would like to hear other opinions on the matter.

I just watched the video again. LOL

13
Sep
08

Phonetics

I don’t like kids. I have never liked them and I don’t tolerate them. People keep telling me that as I grow older, I will learn to love them and my maternal gene will kick in. Yeah, no.

The funny thing about it is that I’m doing a double major and one of my majors is Education, and I’m taking loads of classes on how to manage kids, and how to teach them, and help them, and frankly I don’t give a fuck! Only, I can’t express my opinion so colorfully in class or among my peers for that matter, seeing as how they are all a bunch of baby-lovers (and baby-havers). On the other hand, regardless of my feelings towards kids, I am slowly starting to fall in love with my major. I never thought that I would, I mean I needed it to go along with my other major so that I can get the career I love but I never thought that I would enjoy it independently.

It’s kind of funny actually, I sometimes catch myself paying attention in class and answering questions and volunteering to student-teach. I definitely think that being an educator is a powerful thing, problem is, I just don’t think that kids are worth it and I have no patience for them. As you can see, I am in quite a pickle. It’s good to have something to fall back on, if what I want to do when I grow up doesn’t work out for me.

In other news, I am finally going back to Kuwait in December (for 3 weeks) after being here for the longest time known to mankind. I don’t know how I feel about it, I’m really excited and I’m really terrified. I know I’m different, and I know that everyone else is different and that kind of creates this disequilibrium (Thank you, Piaget). I keep thinking, I’m only going back for 3 weeks and I’m dishevelled about it. How am I going to feel when I move back there for good? I can only put it off for so long with my masters coming up and then maybe a PhD but I am going to eventually live there! Jeez Louise.

Yesterday I hired a cleaning lady to come and clean my entire apartment. Now, you should know that I have a small apartment. It has 1 small bedroom, a small bathroom, a somewhat large living room and a medium-sized kitchen. That’s it, and there is absolutely no mess because I’m a neat-freak. Unfortunately I am no clean-freak. I can wipe tables with Clorox wipes, and I take out the trash but that is the extent of my cleanliness when it comes to the apartment. I blame my parents. So guess how long she stayed here to clean this tiny little place for $25 an hour. That’s right, 6 hours! but it’s worth it. I honestly didn’t realize how nasty my apartment was until she actually started cleaning it and I was like “oooh is that what color my carpet was?” Now, I want to invite everyone over so we can lick things off of the floor. This is a public invitation, if you live near me then you are more than welcome to come eat things off of my floor. It’s sparkling. She even got on her knees and scrubbed every inch of this apartment! Who does that? I could marry her. My cat is kind of confused because he’s never seen the apartment like this so he doesn’t know if we’re still in the same place. It’s amusing.

and finally, I  have been trying to lose weight for the upcoming wedding that I have to go to in Kuwait and I weighed myself today and I was actually pleased, I mean I’m not at my ideal weight yet but it’s getting closer and closer, and with my calculations, I should be ready for a slutty dress by december 15th! wo0t!

i<3school!