Home is where the heart is

I was thinking about homesickness the other day and I started analyzing why I missed home so much. Why do I miss going out with my sister? Why do I miss sleeping on my mother’s lap? Why do I miss watching Cartoon Network with my baby brother? And more importantly, why do the people here (in America) not miss their families?

At first it seemed pretty obvious. First of all, I was raised in a society that was built on close family ties and second of all, I’ve lived at home my entire life! Never been away from my mom for more than 2-3 months and that’s when SHE travels and I’m still living in my house!

If I move to Italy with the future love of my life, in my own home would I still miss them? Is it THEM that I miss or is it what they represent? How do the people that live abroad do it? I’m sure they miss them but do they miss them like I miss them?? I mean they miss them after having not seen them for year! I’ve been here for nearly 2 years and I’ve been home since and i still miss them like CRAZY. I always want to know who’s doing what and who’s upset with who.

Is it a girl thing? Is it a Kuwaiti thing? Is it a human thing? MANIFAHMA but I need it to stop because I can’t miss them more than I already am. It’s stopping me from doing work and from processing things around me!

Ba3dain it’s my dream to move to italy before I’m 30, with the love of my life, and pick flowers! I don’t want to move JUST to pick flowers, I want to work there and pick flowers on my spare time :-p but flowers are involved nontheless! How am I going to do it then? I want to pick up and leave and only visit Kuwait once every year or two. So does missing the people in your life only work when you have no one to replace them with? If I had a lover and a house and a job somewhere else, would I miss them the same?

I got it from my mama!

You know what really REALLY annoys me? I’ll tell you! It’s when people come up to me and tell me that I don’t look or sound like a girl who graduated from a public school in Kuwait. Or when people start talking about how girls who went to 7ikooma are less educated and more boy-crazy than girls who went to private schools. I’m not going to talk about the male-stereotypes because 1) I don’t want to keep saying him/her and 2) because I’m not AS aware of the male stereotypes as I am the female ones. Nibtidi il 7adeeth:

I graduated from a public school. I loved my high school and I love the friends that I made as a result of being there. I am not going to pretend that I am a pure bred 7ikooma girl because I only spent my high school days in one. Now, it really bothers me when people tell me that I don’t sound like a 7ikooma girl because I can speak English properly but I accept it and explain to them where I got my English from. I accept it because it is an undeniable fact that the English that is being taught at public schools in Kuwait is below par. What I don’t tolerate on the other hand is when people tell me that 7ikooma students aren’t as educated as Khasa students. It really bothers me because that remark drips of condescending ignorance. I’ll tell you why, while you were learning how to perfect your English, 7ikooma girls were taught how to speak Arabic properly, something ya 3yalt il khasa that you lack. Not all of you, just like not all of 7ikooma girls lack English skills. While you were being taught US history (which I was taught in middle school, ekh?) they were being taught the history of Kuwait and the Middle East. While you were being taught Science in English, they were being taught the exact same Science in Arabic. So tell me, PLEASE enlighten me, how the hell do you think that you were better educated? They took P.E., they took Home Ec., they took French, they took all the same classes that you took but in a different language. I’m the first person that will tell you that every person should have some understanding of the English language because it’s the most spoken language in the world and being fluent in it will help you A LOT. What it doesn’t do though, is be a determent of whether you are educated or not. On the other hand, do you know WHAT makes you look stupid? Not being able to hold a conversation in your mother tongue. Not being able to WRITE and SPEAK proper Arabic when you were raised your entire life in an Arab country. THAT is what makes you look stupid, not whether you can grasp the basic grammatical conventions of another language.

Phew! That took a lot out of me, what else did I want to talk about? Oh oh I remember, 7ikooma girls being sluttier and looser than girls that graduated from Private schools. I won’t answer this in the length in which I discussed the first matter. What I would like to say though is that, how many girls graduate from a private school per year? Let’s assume in the best case scenario that 200 students graduate from any given private school every year (the number is WAY less). If 200 students graduate every year, let’s say that 100 of them are girls. In a public school, 300 girls graduate every year (give or take some). I’ll go as far out to say that we have just as many private schools as we do public. If that was the case, a THIRD of the girls go to private schools while 2/3 go to public schools.

Let’s make this a tad more interesting using the Adorrian formula, in Kuwait we do NOT have as many private schools as we do public so in fact it could be as large as a quarter of girls go to private schools but it’s probably less than that. “People” say ina “ee ya3ni intay ra7 tilgain fas3at ib madares khasa laken mo kither ili tilgainhum ib madares 7ikooma, bil madares il khasa tilgainlech yumkin khams banat laken ib madares 7ikooma tilgainlech arba3ta3ash bint!”

Let us assume that this false statistic that you pulled out of your ass is true, Using my Adorrian formula, let’s say that the entire 16-year old female population of Kuwait consists of 100 girls. 25 girls go to a private school while 75 go to a public school. If in fact only 5 girls from the 25 are sluts then that equals 20% of the girls that go to this private school. Also, if 14 girls out of the 75 students at this public school are sluts then that equates to 18.6%. Now tell me, who is sluttier? :-)

The point of this post is not to say that fi’a mo3ayana is sluttier than fi’a okhra, I am plainly stating that obviously it seems like a bigger amount of slutty girls/lesbians is emerging from Public schools because there is an obviously bigger amount of girls in those schools! If there was an equal amount of girls in both schools then you would most likely have an equal (give or take one) amount of sluts in both.

I am completely drained from writing this and I would just like to add a small disclaimer that I have an equal amount of friends in both of these schools. I don’t think that one group is smarter than the other, I also don’t think that one group is sluttier than the other. I think they are both equally smart and slutty (or lack of). If you think this is offensive, then I’m sorry it wasn’t meant to be. The only way that you could actually perceive this post as offensive is if you in fact are from a private school, and if you DO think it is offensive that I think that you are JUST as smart as a girl from a Public school, then STFU I intended to offend you.

Also, this post does not apply to Arabic Private schools, only English and American ones. Wa shukran!

Lovers Quarrel

Me: We only met yesterday.

Shoosh: HOW COULD YOU LIKE SOMEONE WITHOUT KNOWING HIS NAME?!!

Me: I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU’RE YELLING . I LIKE HIM. HE’S SMART

Shoosh: I’M YELLING LEANA MAYSEER YOU SETTLE FOR ANYONE!!

Me: AND HE’S SOMEWHAT FUNNY. HE’S NOT ANYONE!

Shoosh: SOMEWHAT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH! SHLON YA3NI NOT ANYONE?

Me: YA3NI HE’S LIKE…HE IS ANYONE BUT HE’S MY ANYONE. I MEAN MADRI. I JUST LIKE HIM DAMNIT!

Shoosh: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!

Me: Chub.

–

Me: Wayyed thaki. His only flaw is that he’s not Kuwaiti? This coming from the girl that poked the Indian?

Shoosh: He’s not even in the US!

Me: The Indian wasn’t in Kuwait!

Shoosh: I don’t see how something can be created out of this!

Me: It CAN and it WILL.

On men and pokes

Me: Laish ga3ed itdawreeli random guys while I’m putting a lot of thought into the guys I pick for you?

Shoosh: Li’anech ib amreeka, you can just poke them!

Me: WHAT? and you can’t poke?

Shoosh: La ana bil Kuwait fashla.

Me: ooh ili ib amreeka moo fashla?

Shoosh: La intaw bil ghorba

Me: AHA?!?! no.

Update: (After Shoosh read the first comment to this post she added to it)

Shoosh: You PICK a guy then you POKE him. The cycle of relationships.

Me: LOL a7ebech laman it-tha7keeni

Shoosh: Li’ana I’m lonely! I’m funny when I’m lonely! Shal soora!?

Me: It’s what we want as opposed to what we get.

Update2: (After further MSN conversations on eligible men around the world)

Shoosh: I poked! Bas shakla ma3a that Indian on his right

Me: DAMN! lol! Poking ihnood?

Shoosh: Hathi Akhriti!! Athreb 3ala hanadwa!

Me: Aww freak :(

Shoosh: He works at Lehman brothers..if that helps

Me: It doesn’t.

A Somewhat Mauve Colored Pair of Shorts

In response to Greyshort’s post about the distinction between open-minded men and narrow-minded men (well not necessarily distinction, but more like her preference). I have decided to take it upon me to write my opinion on the matter at hand.

First we start with the definitions of these terms:

Open-minded:

• Having or showing a mind receptive to new ideas or arguments.
• Unprejudiced; unbigoted; impartial.

Narrow-minded:

• Having or showing a prejudiced mind; biased.
• Not receptive to new ideas; having a closed mind.
• Extremely conservative and morally self-righteous.

Liberal:

• Favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.
• Favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible.
• Free from prejudice or bigotry; tolerant.

Conservative:

• Disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones, and to limit change.
• Favoring traditional views and values.

Now, I’m not going to define them based on how they are used in our society today (the Kuwaiti society that is) because I do not want to offend anyone and because someone might say that that isn’t how they specifically use them. To avoid having disgruntled readers, I am merely going to mention a few examples of how they are used: (this is based on my experience or the experience of friends and family)

–

Sara: Ana mit7ajba

Nasser: Wa3! Ana wa7ed Librali, Ma a7eb il i7jab, asef magdar akalmech.

–

Nour: Tiyeen ma3ay il anti-segregation rally?

Sara: Ee!

Jenna: La, I don’t really believe that it’s an issue that we should focus on ya3ni there are more important things going on.

Arwa: WAY MASADEG! Modailech close-minded? Gi6a3!

Nour: Arwo! It’s her personal preference yah!

–

Nour: 7adda iyanen, he’s so open-minded! I7ib il bint il sifoor ooh iroo7 7aflat ooh isafer kil cham shahar 7ag Cannes! Ooh Maygooli latro7een ooh latyeen, 7adda free.

Mansour: A3oothu billah! 7aflat ooh sifoor ooh cannes? Staghferallah yallah bye!

–

Mansour: il bint 7ilwa bas Liberal! Min agoolaha masjed, it-haster 3alai! Kilma agoolaha ana a’ayed man3 il ikhtila6 itsida ib wayhi!

Nasser: Wallah inik 7mar! Baddel wiyay 3ad tawni mitkhales min Saro il mit7ajba!

–

If you believe that the above examples are using the words -liberal, conservative, open-minded, and close-minded- correctly then you should continue reading. If you agree that they are used incorrectly then I applaud you for being one of the few, if you have ever spoken back to someone who has used them in the aforementioned manner then the rest of this post will be of no use to you because you already grasp where I am heading. Finally, if you are going to state that you do not, and do not have friends, and have never heard of ANYONE in Kuwait use the words in the same way that they are used above, then my friend, you are a liar.

The Characters:

Nour: Open-minded Liberal

Sara: Open-minded Conservative

Mansour: Close-minded Conservative

Nasser: Close-minded Liberal

Arwa: Innocent bystander used to prove a point

Jenna: Innocent bystander used to prove a point

Disclaimer: These characters are fictional, and they are not developed therefore if there are flaws in the flow of conversation it is because I am not a storyteller and I did not think of everything before hand. It is merely a glimpse into the life of these 4 characters.

Moving on.

Arwa: Haw shlon il liberal ikoon close-minded? il liberal free. wil free ya3ni open-minded! Wishlon ya3ni il conservative ikoon open-minded? Ya3ni dayyen ooh ib nafs il wakt iroo7 7aflat ooh chithee?

Adorra: Ana agoolich yabnayti shlon!

 

Being a liberal does not entail being open-minded. Well, they are used interchangeably a lot but that does not mean that if someone is liberal he HAS to be open-minded. Being a conservative also does not entail being close-minded, they are used interchangeably a lot but that does not mean that if someone is conservative he HAS to be close-minded.For the sake of argument, I will use the issue of Gay Marriage.

In the right meaning of a liberal, he has to be WITH gay marriage because he is for anything that is progressive and new and not so traditional. He believes in reform and in personal freedom and so if 2 men want to get married then goshdarnit they can get married! THAT is a liberal perspective.

Now, a conservative perspective goes along the lines of something like this. I don’t believe in gay marriage. I think that it is morally wrong and I believe in the traditions that I was taught since I was young. 2 men cannot get married because we were not raised under the value of 2 men being able to get married and thats that.

Now, a close-minded perspective: GAY MARRIAGE? WTF?!? SHAL MASKHARA?!? Is this what the world has come to??

An open-minded perspective: Even though, I personally am not gay, I do not see why men who love men and who believe that they should have the right to get married cannot. I don’t have to dictate how everyone lives and I do not have to necessarily agree with everything but I will definitely respect it.

 

Since we’ve gotten the real concepts of liberal, conservative, close-minded and open-minded out of the way. Let me ask you the following questions:

Does Nasser respect the fact that Sara mit7ajba?

Does Mansour respect the fact that Nour’s boyfriend parties?

The answer to both of these is NO. What does this tell you? That not every liberal is open-minded. There are very close-minded liberals. In fact, my father happens to be a very close-minded liberal. He will not let me do anything that goes against his beliefs of what a true liberal should be doing.

Is Sara interested in going to an anti-segregation rally?

Is Nour accepting of all opinions be they similar to her own or not?

What does this tell you? That just like liberals can be open-minded, so too can conservatives. They may not believe in the anti-segregation of schools but that does not mean that they will not listen to or will not respect you because you do. My mother is an open-minded conservative, she does not dictate what I can and cannot do based on how conservative she is. She understands and accepts me the way I am as long as I respect my boundaries.

 

Finally, I will get to the last point on my list. An open-minded person is not someone who will let you go out without asking you where you are going, he/she is not someone who will go to parties and drink, he/she is not someone who has blatant disregard of our cultural traditions and values, he/she is not someone who wants a girl to not be veiled because that clashes with his understanding of what beauty is, he/she will not judge you based on what you believe in and who you talk to. An open-minded person is one that respects everyone and is OPEN to ALL points of view.

A close-minded person is not someone who will tell you what to wear and what not to wear, he/she is not someone who went to a public school, he/she is not someone who lives in a far away district, he/she is not someone who has a lot of girlfriends and boyfriends. A close-minded person does not respect your opinion, he/she will stick to his own personal point of view and refer to it as fact.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please I BEG OF YOU make the fucking distinction!

Lost Without You

I miss you.

I pity the fool

HAHAHA yes I’m THAT smart. Atghashmar. Moo min thaka’ il 23 students laken min ghaba’ il 450.

Peripheral vision

I’m alone. Abroad. The day before New Years. With absolutely no supervision. In a cool hotel. Downtown. What am I doing?

 

I made phonecalls

I ordered pizza

I ate candy that I snuck in from Kuwait

I unpacked

* Things I didn’t appreciate until today:

1) Peripheral vision

2) The fact that I didn’t carry any of the 3 oversized bags I had with me. God bless gentlemen.

3) OMI. (and the nanny)

I heart Kuwait.

 Update: It isn’t the 31st here yet but the date on this post is the 31st so Happy Birthday to me! BTW, B I love the gift! Very SATC. :-( I miss you guys.

Questioning Authority

Pun intended.

My Republic

- I get utterly disgusted when women tell me that girls who study abroad don’t get married. It’s a joke. Girls who study abroad don’t want your sons. Why you ask? I’ll tell you. Compared to a girl who studied abroad and broadened her horizons a tad, your son is illiterate, unchallenging and basically stupid. The pool of eligible men that would regularly satisfy a girl who got her degree from here and has seen nothing but those men gets thinned down to a pond. It isn’t a pond because men stop pursuing a woman who earned her degree abroad but it’s because she stopped giving a damn. She doesn’t care what society thinks of her not being married by the age of 23. She doesn’t care what X thinks of her because she isn’t married to Y. She doesn’t care if she has to wait a life time just to find someone who will stimulate her mind! I’m not saying that people who get their degrees from abroad are better than those who get them locally. What I am saying is if you think that a girl is undeserving of your son/brother/cousin/friend just because she got her degree from the states, STFU.

- I don’t understand why some people think that knowing a person before marrying them is taboo. Putting everything you know about religion, tradition and social standards aside; how the hell do you marry someone you don’t know? If you’re going to say that’s what an engagement is for then I’ll say that’s bullshit. An engagement is a commitment. I for one don’t want to commit to someone who I have nothing in common with. I don’t want to commit to someone based on what my mother thinks of him. My mother and I are two completely different people. She might know what’s best for me on paper but she probably doesn’t know what I’d like to spend the rest of my life with. So no, I have to know you before I marry you. By know you, I don’t mean as someone I’ve seen once at a gathering. I mean KNOW you. I want to know if I can live with you, if you don’t aggravate my pet peeves and I want to know if we have that certain something-something that makes me yearn for you.

- I would like to say the following: Just because you are married at 18 doesn’t mean that anyone who isn’t married by the age of 23 is undesirable. Also, getting married when you’re 18 is stupid. I know that society doesn’t condone women who don’t want to get married right after they get their period but I think we should take a moment and think of our options. Why get married at 18? Even if you are very careful and you are financially stable and you are completely and utterly in love there are always flaws and faults. What if you get pregnant? Not everyone can manage studying and breast feeding. If you think that taking care of your child is more important than taking care of your career then more power to you but don’t come running to me when you’re 35, with no skills and about to go through a divorce with a husband who will leave you absolutely nothing but the child you gave up your life for. Fine, children are great blah blah but please don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If you must, don’t judge the girls who are smarter than you and who decide on having both a career and a child equally and who have half a brain to actually get an education and experience a decent career before settling down and starting a family. You will most likely say that that is the way our parents and their parents and their parents before them did it but times have changed and what was acceptable then is not acceptable anymore. It could work. I’m not saying that you can’t balance it but there’s always a slight chance that you’ll slip and wouldn’t you rather wait a few years and get steady on your feet before jumping into something that you MIGHT regret later?

- I dropped cranberry juice on B’s pants at Starbucks and they stained the entire left side of her thigh. I’m very sorry. I know it was embarrassing walking all the way back to your car with red stains. :-(

Disclaimer: I am not against mothers with sons who have a degree from KU + I am not against girls who get married by the age of 18 + I am not against women who marry the men their parents pick for them. This is just my opinion on the matter and since this is my blog, I am entitled to at least that.