For Mommy

I’m sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road in the states and you were alone
I’m sorry for the times that I had to go
I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I’m sorry for the times I would neglect
I’m sorry for the times I disrespect

I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there for my son mom
I’m sorry for the fact that I’m not aware
That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there
Because I am in the streets states like everyday
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I’m so proud to call you my girl mom

I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

You can put the blame on me
Said you can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn’t know what to do
Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs
Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad
And you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn’t agree
He got up and left you there all alone
I’m sorry that you had to do it on your own

I’m sorry that I went and added to your grief

I’m sorry that your son was once a thief
I’m sorry that I grew up way too fast
I wish I would’ve listened and not be so bad
I’m sorry your life turned out this way
I’m sorry that the FEDS came and took me away

wallah amoot feech

Tuan

Hello Earthlings,

I am aware of how long I haven’t posted and for depriving you of myself, I truly apologize. Here’s what happened:

First, I left to go to my cousin’s graduation in another state I stayed there for a few days and then we all went to Vegas for some sexy time. We were joined by Borat. After that refreshing trip, I was stuck in airports for what seemed like a week but was really a day and finally I arrived at my apartment. I had to go to school the next day because I started summer classes and if that wasn’t hectic enough, a friend visited me that same day for two days. AFTER my friend left, I was standing in my apartment looking at the filth that had accumulated over the past 2 weeks and I decided to spend the next few days cleaning. After my apartment was super clean I decided to test it and eat ice cream off the floor. It didn’t work but I gave up. For I wasn’t socialized to be a cleaner.

Now, you might say “why adorra after you were done with all your school work and your friends and cleaning, why didn’t you blog then?” I’ll tell you my darlings! After I was done cleaning, I sat down in front of my laptop to post one of the 7 or so drafts that I have already written and to add to it a bit, but then I heard a 6irbakh! and my laptop crashed! Okay I didn’t really hear anything but it DID crash. Completely and utterly and I lost ALL my files, all my pictures, all my videos, every single document that I’ve written for school, every single received file I’ve ever had. All gone with the wind. I panic and take my lovely to Circuit City where they tell me that all is lost and will never be found again. I decide to go home and cry myself to sleep but wait wait.. what’s that I hear? another 6irbakh! MY FUCKING PHONE BROKE! No 6irbakh this time as well but the phone did break. So, no phone, no laptop, no friends, no bloggy.

and THAT my babies is how the cookie crumbles.

I am now writing this from the school lab but Andrew just called me and told me that my laptop is fixed so even though I will never love it the same way I used to, I will try to forgive it. I will try with all my heart. And hopefully I will be back to blogging and posting pictures (which I did take specifically for you!) and the whole nine yards.

Waiting

When I was younger I would run away from my reality by immersing myself completely in books. One book after the other, I wouldn’t stop reading until I was far far away. Now that I’m older, I realize that I ran away from my reality by coming to the US. The more I run away, the more I feel lost and now I just can’t help but ask myself; what the fuck am I running away from?