Happy 3rd Year Blogiversary

I have a lot of issues. Anyone who has ever known me can tell you that. I am selfish and annoying, and I have a million quirks that I expect everyone around me to understand instantly. I make people jump through hoops, and not chew gum in front of me. I hate the sound of people breathing or eating on the phone, and I get annoyed when I have to wait outside someones house for them to come down. I have a lot of issues. I really do, and I always thought that I was normal and that everyone else was wrong and weird and that they should all just mold themselves to me. I go through relationships like water. Boyfriends, girlfriends, even certain family members, I can let go easily. If you get on my bad side then you will most likely remain there, even if you redeem yourself. You will always be there, it will never be good for you.

I used to be nice, and friendly, and fun to hang out with. People at school here call me a stuck up bitch. I go in and out, I barely give people the time of day. I walk away from conversations that are stupid and I talk down to people when I feel that they need to be talked down to.

I know that I’m wrong. I know that I used to be better. I reread my old posts and I wonder where that bubbly happy person went and when this new person came. Where did all this resentment come from. I know that I have issues. I know it. I also know that I don’t talk about my issues to anyone. I keep it all in and then I use it as a weapon to analyze people. There are no words to explain anything anymore.

I know that I love some people and I hate others. I know that I don’t open up. I know that I am a bitch. I know that I am ugly on the inside (and on the outside too…sometimes). I know that only my really good friends can handle me and I know that even they are tempted to leave sometimes. My roommate calls me out on my shit sometimes. Other times she doesn’t. I’m not too worried about her, she loves me. She is one of the few.

The point of this post is to make me better. I want to be me again. I really do. It is just painfully hard to be nice to people I don’t like or talk to someone I don’t really know. What is the point?. I am leaving in 2 years, why invest? come to think of it, I never invested back home either. I have a problem with investing. I am going to try to post more often, I definitely read everyone’s blogs. I am using those google reader things, they are very handy especially during breaks on campus. I miss everyone, and I especially miss it when I knew the bloggers. I don’t know anyone anymore. They are all these new bloggers who talk about love, as if it is as easy as bumping into someone at a cafe twice in a row. I’m not going to lie, I read them, and I enjoy them. That doesn’t mean I don’t think they are a bunch of crap, and badly written might I add (except for a select few).

I feel like I need to keep writing, to get all the toxins out. They have been building up. Even my cat is exhausted, he rarely snuggles anymore. Another reason I want to keep writing is because I have an EU midterm tomorrow and I would rather procrastinate then admit to the fact that I barely studied because I am just angry. I have been angry all semester. I have been angry for a really long time.

Maybe it’s a lack of faith..in everything.

Back?

Hi

Java

I am going to be back in Kuwait in less than a week. All I can say is oh lordy please have mercy. In other news, I miss blogging and I miss venting and I have so much pent up tension that I could break the keyboard right now. By Friday I will be done by finals, I have moved to a new place so at least that is off of my mind. I have a wedding to attend to which gives me a few days to find a dress and when I’m in Kuwait, I have to worry about my cat here :(

But all in all, I have mixed feelings. If I love you (and you should know by now if I do or not) then give me a call when I’m back in Kuwait, take me out and make me feel good. Intoxicate me.

I’m so fucking over it that it’s not even funny anymore.

.

update: I was thinking about how much I miss him, and that maybe I should call him and wish him good luck with all his future endeavors, seeing as how I still love him and wish him well. Then I saw that he edited me out of his life, literally. Seeing as how I am pale and insignificant to him, I am now back to not giving a fuck.

bitchslap

HAHA no matter how many times I see this, it is still as amusing as it was the first time. I don’t know if it’s the language or the fall or the fight, oh gosh.

In other news, I’m writing an argumentative paper on how college admissions preferencing legacies is considered class discrimination. I basically have to use scholarly resources and whatnot but if any of my readers (if there are still any readers) would like to add their two cents on the issue, I would appreciate it since I would like to hear other opinions on the matter.

I just watched the video again. LOL

Phonetics

I don’t like kids. I have never liked them and I don’t tolerate them. People keep telling me that as I grow older, I will learn to love them and my maternal gene will kick in. Yeah, no.

The funny thing about it is that I’m doing a double major and one of my majors is Education, and I’m taking loads of classes on how to manage kids, and how to teach them, and help them, and frankly I don’t give a fuck! Only, I can’t express my opinion so colorfully in class or among my peers for that matter, seeing as how they are all a bunch of baby-lovers (and baby-havers). On the other hand, regardless of my feelings towards kids, I am slowly starting to fall in love with my major. I never thought that I would, I mean I needed it to go along with my other major so that I can get the career I love but I never thought that I would enjoy it independently.

It’s kind of funny actually, I sometimes catch myself paying attention in class and answering questions and volunteering to student-teach. I definitely think that being an educator is a powerful thing, problem is, I just don’t think that kids are worth it and I have no patience for them. As you can see, I am in quite a pickle. It’s good to have something to fall back on, if what I want to do when I grow up doesn’t work out for me.

In other news, I am finally going back to Kuwait in December (for 3 weeks) after being here for the longest time known to mankind. I don’t know how I feel about it, I’m really excited and I’m really terrified. I know I’m different, and I know that everyone else is different and that kind of creates this disequilibrium (Thank you, Piaget). I keep thinking, I’m only going back for 3 weeks and I’m dishevelled about it. How am I going to feel when I move back there for good? I can only put it off for so long with my masters coming up and then maybe a PhD but I am going to eventually live there! Jeez Louise.

Yesterday I hired a cleaning lady to come and clean my entire apartment. Now, you should know that I have a small apartment. It has 1 small bedroom, a small bathroom, a somewhat large living room and a medium-sized kitchen. That’s it, and there is absolutely no mess because I’m a neat-freak. Unfortunately I am no clean-freak. I can wipe tables with Clorox wipes, and I take out the trash but that is the extent of my cleanliness when it comes to the apartment. I blame my parents. So guess how long she stayed here to clean this tiny little place for $25 an hour. That’s right, 6 hours! but it’s worth it. I honestly didn’t realize how nasty my apartment was until she actually started cleaning it and I was like “oooh is that what color my carpet was?” Now, I want to invite everyone over so we can lick things off of the floor. This is a public invitation, if you live near me then you are more than welcome to come eat things off of my floor. It’s sparkling. She even got on her knees and scrubbed every inch of this apartment! Who does that? I could marry her. My cat is kind of confused because he’s never seen the apartment like this so he doesn’t know if we’re still in the same place. It’s amusing.

and finally, I  have been trying to lose weight for the upcoming wedding that I have to go to in Kuwait and I weighed myself today and I was actually pleased, I mean I’m not at my ideal weight yet but it’s getting closer and closer, and with my calculations, I should be ready for a slutty dress by december 15th! wo0t!

i<3school!

House Salad

I have to read this really really long case for class, so I’m at a cafe with my laptop and 80 papers stacked on top of each other with a highlighter and a blue pen. Like always, I have to take 10 minute intervals every couple of pages to stay sane. I was stumbling through articles and clicking on links when I started reading this story about how men prefer “real” women as opposed to ones that have had plastic surgery. It was an interesting story but nothing that I haven’t heard before, nearly every man you meet tells you that he prefers a real woman than a perfectly fake one. That’s besides the point, what caught my attention was the last paragraph of this long article.

“This is the part I think women don’t understand. When a guy falls in love, his lover’s body parts become bewitching. I’m not going to tell you that our heads don’t turn when we see a stacked blond walking down the street. But when we fall for you—really, really fall for you—you hijack our sense of beautiful. What’s sexy to us? You—in the “before” picture.”

I just stopped for a while thinking about what he wrote and thinking about love and physical attraction and it just made me stop what I was doing and really evaluate a lot of things. I hope it does the same for you.

I personally don’t want plastic surgery but I don’t mind it, I mean I don’t tell myself that I would never have plastic surgery, yeah maybe when I’m older and if I’m ever not content with the way I look, I don’t see why I shouldn’t have plastic surgery to make me feel good about myself. I wouldn’t do it to please anyone, but I would do it so that when I look in the mirror, I feel like myself. It sounds weird I know but it’s not. There’s this commercial on TV for this plastic surgeon and in the commercial there’s this part where this woman says “I hate looking at the mirror because I don’t even see myself anymore” and it rings some truth to it because I’ve been through a phase in my life where I would look at myself and the way people saw me and I really felt that they couldn’t see the real me, and I did something about it and it changed my life. So I don’t judge people who want to change the way they look, to me it’s just like laser hair removal or doing your eyebrows or applying make up, and yeah those may not be perminant but you are still altering the way you look to please you (or others) so why should you be bothered when someone else does it?

Now, please don’t tell me how it’s 7aram and whatnot, i think that everyone is aware of what we can and can’t do and people can make their own choices in life so let’s leave the religious and spiritual lecture out of it. What do you think about this issue? Would you get plastic surgery? Would you condone it? and why?

Passions

This was dedicated to me exactly ten years ago today. I didn’t quite understand it then, but here I am ten years later dedicating it to you.

-

من يقرأ أفكاري أسرع

من يحنو إن أَلَمٌ أوجع

يا أحلى ما لمسته يدي

ولعيني ما تُبصِرأمتَع

من يُدني مني آمالي

من يجعل أحلامي أشجع

يا أكثر إنسانٍ أهواه

وقلبي – أعجَبُ – لا يقنَع

من جَمَدَ من حولي الأشياء

من ذَوَبَ أشيائي أجمَع

يا أبعَدَ ما أُدركُ حولي

لا أبصرُ بعدُ ولا أسمع

من يُدركُ شوقي إذ ينأى

من يدري إذ يأتي أروَع

يا من أهواهُ وبي شَغَفٌ

أنفاسي بالشكوى تصدع

من أمشي دربي أتبَعُهُ

من أقبَلُ نفسي أن تخضغ

يا من سَلَّمتُ مقاليدي

قد قَرَّرَ قلبي أن يركَع

She’s a She’s a

I was very amused by this playlist tag that has been circulating around the kuwaiti blogosphere and especially since a lot of the songs would actually compliment the questions. Anyway, I decided to give it a try and believe you me, there is nothing I would have changed. This came out as hilarious as it is retarded. Enjoy.

So basically I had to put my ipod on shuffle and answer these questions in order based on the next song and so on so forth. Trust me you can’t make this shit up.

1) If someone says “Is this okay?” you say?

Benny Benassi – Satisfaction

2) What would best describe your personality?

Beyonce – Flaws and All

3) What do you like in a guy/girl?

Sean Kingston – There’s Nothin’

4) How do you feel today?

Christina Aguilera – Lady Marmalade

5) What is your life’s purpose?

Nickleback – If Everyone Cared

6) What do your friends think of you?

Akon – Mr. Lonely

7) What do you think of your parents?

Gwen Stefani – The Sweet Escape

8) What do you think about very often?

Sir Mixalot – I Like Big Butts

9) What do you think of your best friend?

Outlandish – Calling you

10) What do you think of the person you like?

Nelly ft. Jagged Edge – Where the party at

11) What is your life story?

ABBA – Money, Money, Money

12) What do you think when you see the person you like?

Frank Sinatra – Chicago

13) What do your parents think of you?

Timbaland – Apologize

14) What will you dance to at your wedding?

Cher – Believe

15) What will they play at your funeral?

Yael Naim – New Soul

16) What is your hobby/interest?

Travis – Love will come through

17) What is your biggest secret?

Frank Sinatra – Just one of those things

18) What do you think of your friends?

Marvin Gaye – Aint no Mountain High Enough

19) What should you post this as?

Mr. Vegas – Tamale

20) What do you think of yourself?

Michael Buble – Me and Mrs. Jones

I can’t seem to comment right next to the questions so I’ll do that here. Number 6 is kind of depressing, I would really appreciate it if that was not in fact what my friends thought of me! Number 7 makes way too much sense to be a coincidence. I am going to ignore number 8 because it is ironic on so many levels. Since the song for number 9 refers to God, I will only say no. As for number 10, I am very very sure that he will not be pleased :-p Number 11 is retardedly funny and 15 is just freaky!

Lemons

I have one more week of classes (3 days to be precise) and then I have a 2 week break! Finally! I took two summer semesters and I need a looooooong relaxing vacation. What’s worse is that I registered for 18 credits this upcoming semester and so I know that I’m going to get my ass handed to me but I’m willing to hibernate from everything social and technological in order to get to my goal GPA. The reason I want THAT is to be able to get in the grad school that I have my heart set upon.

So as you see, my vacation needs to be me sitting on a beach chair for 14 days with someone turning me over every couple of hours to even me out. The plan right now is to go to LA, I’m not a big fan but I’m going to visit someone and I know we’re going to have a blast but it’s not relaxing!

In other more sophisticated news, a friend and I are both reading The Brothers Karamazov and I really like it so far, I chose the book but the only reason I chose it with him is because I think he’ll really like it and so we’re both supposed to be done in a month or so and then we can spend many many hours debating on whether god really does exist. Since one of us doesn’t believe so :-p no mention of which is which.

Finally, I am embarking on a 2 week journey (starting yesterday) it constitutes me doing something and depriving myself from doing something else. If I get the results I want in 14 days then I will divulge to you what exactly I went through and how it has helped me.

and that’s how the cookie crumbles, folks. :-)